St. Teresa of Avila

I finished up Edith Steins book Self Portrait in Letters right before Christmas. She was heavily influenced by Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross. I am now reading The Collected Works of St. Teresa of Avila, Volume 1. I've found the introduction by Kieran Kavanaugh O.C.D. to be very helpful for me in understanding the times of St. Teresa of Avila.

I keep a notebook of quotes from books that I read. If time allows, I'd like to transfer some of the notes to here.

"His main sickness was a very severe pain in his shoulders which never left him. Sometimes it hurt him so much he was in agony. I told him that since he was so devoted to the memory of when the Lord carried the burden of the cross that His Majesty thought He would like to make him experience something of what He suffered with that pain. This comforted my father so much that it seems that I never heard him complain again. " - Chapter 7, section 16

Enjoying the Christmas Season

This is our Christmas photo. We had so much fun planning and setting up for the photo shoot. We ended up using the first picture snapped since the rest show a baby rolling over and trying to crawl away.

I am so glad I listened to that inner whisper back in November. I had one of the most wonderful Advents in spite of everyone being sick. Now that we are in the Christmas season, we are still dealing with illnesses but we are feeling the joy of our Saviour's birth.

Emmanuel - God with Us

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Corinthians 12:8


During my prayer time today, I realized that I’ve overcome a huge obstacle in life this week. When I worry, I become paralyzed in fear and then end up getting sick and often feel like fainting. It’s a horrible thing that I struggle with every time one of my children is sick or gets injured.

On Monday, I called the doctor about my baby who was running a fever for a few days. I set up an appointment for that afternoon. I drove the two of us to the appointment. That was big!

You see, my dh has taken the children to doctor appts. for the last 6 yrs. because of my fears. I didn’t think anything of it, when my dh came home for the appt. I was preparing the diaper bag and getting the insurance information together because I was going. When my dh came home, he thought he was going. Of course, dh was a bit dumbfounded when I said that I’d go. I just felt that I should be going this time.

As soon as I got on the road though, I began to feel queasy. “Oh, dear God, please not now. Let me get to the doctor’s appt.,” I prayed. The feeling went away only to resurface once I got to the office. Then the queasiness happened again while waiting for the doctor. The pain was so excruciating, I thought I was going to double over. “Please God, be with me.” The pain went away and I was fine again until I had to go to the pharmacy. The pain started up again. “Please, God be with me.” 15 minutes later, I made it home, exhausted from the stress of the appointment and the pharmacy run.

It only took me a few days to realize that I did something wonderful that I didn’t know I could do. I went to the doctor’s with a sick baby and I did it by myself. Well, not really. I made that trip with Emmanuel. God was with the baby and me that afternoon. He sustained me in my weakness. How appropriate for this to happen during Advent.

Really Watching the Joy

I’ve been feeling rather quiet of late. Introspective, I guess. I let some people know that I was going to take a 40 day computer fast (with exception of looking up school related topics and possibly blogging.) I chuckled when I wrote “possibly blogging.” It seems forever since I posted yet I felt I’d be posting.

Last night one of my friends said that I was a “good example” by taking a fast from the computer. I just see it as being obedient to a prodding in my heart.

I've been feeling like I need to really step back and "be" again. I got my first prompting loud and clear in August and I did step back from a lot of activities. I really am thankful that I did obey the promptings. It didn’t make sense at the time. In hindsight, I can see the benefit of listening to the prompting.

This time, however, the prodding is more of a quiet sense of stepping back. It’s as if I've been quietly slipped an invitation to watch something wondrous unfold before my eyes. I don't know... Maybe it's just watching the joy of Advent in my children's eyes. I mean, really watching the joy.

A Mother Mourns for Her Daughters

"I tell you, on the day of judgment people will render an account for every careless word they speak. By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
- Matthew 12:36-37


Why do I have to be so judgmental of other moms? Why do I put other moms on pedestals? Why do I expect all moms to think like me and act like me? Why am I surprised when they act differently from me? Why do I continue to put my own insecurities on the lap of others? Why do I “should” on people?

Please join me in prayer for healing of my homeschooling sisters in Christ.

Dear Blessed Mother,

Please intercede on my behalf to our Heavenly Father. I want to be the daughter that you and our Lord would want me to be. Help me to see other women through your eyes. Please show me how to extend grace and charity the way you would. I want to be a better sister to your daughters.

I am weeping.

Am I being foolish enough?

I finished reading Brennan Manning's book The Importance of Being Foolish - How to Think Like Jesus. Let me just share some quotes that have touched my heart and caused me to stop and ponder. How does this translate into my life? Am I thinking like Jesus?

Behind people's grumpiest poses or most puzzling defense mechanisms, behind their dignified airs, coarseness or sneers, behind their silence or their curses, Jesus saw a little child who hadn't been loved enough and who had ceased growing because those around him had ceased believing in him. "In this sense," Adrian Van Kaam writes, "Christ, and later the apostles, speak often about the faithful as children, no matter how tall, rich, clever and successful they may be. For behind each one's strength is hiding a fallen person in need of redemption, a person precious in the eyes of God because of the unique treasure he is meant to be in time and eternity."

-pg. 101

…the fundamental secret of Jesus in relation to his disciples: his sovereign respect for their dignity. They are people, not toys, functions or occasions for personal compensation. In Luke’s account of the Passion, he notes that after Peter’s third denial of Jesus, “the Lord turned and looked straight at Peter” (Luke 22:61). In that look, the reality of recognition is disclosed. Peter knows that no one has ever loved him as Jesus does. The man who he has confessed as the Christ, the Son of the living God, looks into his eyes, sees the transparent terror there, watches him act out the dreadful drama of his security addiction and loves him.

The love of Jesus for Peter lay in his complete and unconditional acceptance of him. We who so automatically place conditions on lour love (“If you really loved me you would…”) fail to see that this is an exchange, not unconditional love. (We tack on one of our addictions to finish the sentence.)

In Jesus’ reaction to Peter we see that no man was ever freer of pressures, conventions or addictions. Jesus was so liberated from the dominating barrage of desire, demands, expectations, need and inflexible emotional programming that he could accept the unacceptable. He did not have to resort to screams, vicious attacks, or undue threats. He communicated his deepest feelings to Peter by a look. And that look transformed and recreated Peter: “He went outside and wept bitterly”(Luke22:62)

Compassion means that when you empathize with the predicament of another person, you send out the signal, "Yes, I know. I've been there too." You experience the situation from that person's position. To be compassionate is to understand the conflicts other people have created in themselves without getting caught up in their poignant drama; you realize your compassion will be most effective if you stay centered in loving acceptance. As Jesus saw Peter playing out his addiction and suffering because of it, he remained profoundly attuned to the humanity and the dignity of the man. His transparent look imbued with God’s forgiveness not only brought Peter to tears but enabled him to continue his journey onward and upward into a richer life with Christ.

-pg. 110 - 111

A remarkable thing happens when we embrace our unity with all of God's creation: everything we have given up is given back. Our worries concerning security, pleasure and power fall away in the recognition that all is well in the kingdom of God. The teaching of Jesus, "enough, then of worrying about tomorrow. Let tomorrow take care of itself" (Matthew 6:34), is no mere moral maxim but a personal reality at the lived level of daily experience.
-pg. 142

There is joy in Mudville!

Late Sunday evening, I finished Edith Stein's autobiography. My feelings upon finishing the book have gone from devastation to anger and then sadness. I would never know her thoughts about converting to Catholicism. I would never know her thoughts about WWII. Yes, I can read her about Edith Stein (aka St. Teresa Benedicta). However, after reading her autobiography, a biography just doesn't seem to do her justice. I guess there isn't much choice though, is there?

Ah but there is! I received the ICS Publication catalog yesterday. It was just what I needed! I've been pouring through it and came across letters from Edith Stein. This will be as close to reading her unfinished autobiography that I will get.

Motherhood and Choices

Choices. As mothers, we have always have choices to make. Do we call the doctor now or do we wait out the fever? Do we work or stay at home? Do we send our child to school or do we homeschool? Some choices are easily made. Others are made after much time on our knees.

Here is a story of a choice that one mother made.

My Spirit is Stirring

I finished reading A Lantern in Her Hand by Bess Streeter Aldrich this week. It has stirred my spirit. To be honest, I can't recall a book ever doing that to me.

It's been a few days and I'm still thinking about the story line. The book traces the life of a woman, Abbie Mackenzie Deal. You first meet her at the age of eight. You are there for her first meeting with her future husband. You are there when he returns from the Civil War. You are there when they trek from Idaho to Nebraska. You are there when they build the sod house, when they fight the droughts, when they battle the grasshopper invasion, when they struggle through the wicked snow storms, when they gather for the births and deaths of friends and family. You are there because you feel her pain.

But you also feel Abbie's joy. You feel the joy of her holding a baby. You feel her joy of sitting in the shade of a cottonwood tree on a hot summer day. You feel her joy of seeing her children doing things she wasn't able to do - take music lessons, take art lessons, get an education. You feel her joy when she is able to pass on her memories to her granddaughters.

Through all of life, Abbie keeps "a song on her lips and a lantern in her hand." Perhaps that is what stirs me. The idea of being a joyful song and a light to my family. I can see in the book how this affects her children and then her grandchildren. I can see how choices made now have an effect on future generations. It makes me really think - Am I the joyful mother/wife? Am I being a light for my children/husband? What can I do to become a better mother and wife?

If I am to be holding a lantern in my hand, then how do I strenghten myself to be that light bearer for my family? I believe the answer for me is Psalm 119:105. It says "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." My spirit is stirring. It is exalting because I am being called to a deeper love for the Word of God and for His church.